Choices of the heart
by Fallen Dragonfly
Summary: Eragon was strong. Strong of magic, strong of body, strong of mind. ...But his heart could only take so much.  Overworked emo fic
1. Chapter 1: Eragon's choice

Eragon looked on teary-eyed as blood spilled down his arm. Liquid fogged his vision, blurring what he saw between pink and crimson until he could not tell where one began and the other ended.

_Why?_

The tears… they were not for the blood, the pain.

He wished they were.

_Why did this have to happen?_

Eragon weighed his sword over the remaining arm.

_She… she cared for me._

_So much. So very much. Probably even loved me._

…_But… _

_...not in that way._

The blade flashed. Instantly, hot sticky liquid splattered his wrist. His fingertips were bathed in red.

_Eragon! _Saphira's voice appeared out of nowhere, driving deep into his thoughts. She had been hunting, when she had felt a sudden pain in her paws.

"Waise heill." The cuts disappeared. But just a moment later, his wrists were cut deeply again.

_Not this Eragon. Not this…_

Eragon ignored her and muttered the words of healing, then again he repeated his suicidal process.

His features cringed with pain as she attempted to drive her presence into his mind. But he blocked it with a single image. A wooden floor, bespeckled with dark lines of blood.

Again... and aga... but it didn't work. No matter how much pain he caused, and then he felt, it could not numb him to his _true_ pain.

Heartbreak.

_Please... Eragon…_

_I'm sorry, Saphira._

He lifted the blade to his throat. The slightest touch broke the skin, leaking crimson waves onto his chest.

_Please Eragon… not this. _Saphira's voice was pleading, begging…

_I'm sorry… but I can't take the pain._

With a surge of strength, he drove the blade forward.

_I just can't take it._


	2. Chapter 2a: Arya's choice

...Eragon hadn't expected to be breathing again. After what he had done, how could he?

And yet, he was. Magic dabbed at his skin, and he could ...feel... himself returning.

Returning to consciousness.

Returning to the world.

Returning to _life._

And even as he coughed and spluttered, cringing in agony in the moments before he opened his eyes, he was already thinking of how to go back.

Back to oblivion. Back to where his heart and soul didn't feel like they'd been cut open, torn asunder by his sadness, his pain, his want for what would never be.

But yet, he blinked once more. Opened his eyes and kept them there, some part of him willing his soul back to the world no matter how hard he had fought to ensure its leave.

Life once again filled him. And no matter how much he hated it, he did not repel it. Only stared into the haze of light that hung over him.

And as it cleared, a pair of wide green eyes stared back.

Eragon shuddered and turned to the side, trying desperately to ignore her emerald gaze, her touch as her delicate fingers slid away from where a wound had been moments before, the yearning he felt in his soul at her very presence... and then failing miserably as she suddenly enveloped him in an embrace.

"...I-I..." She chocked, spluttering to say anything. "...I was so afraid. I thought..." She sniffed loudly, her eyes clenching as tears pattered on the floor. "I thought..." There was a long pause as she tried to regain herself, but quickly gave up. "I th-ought I w-was going to lose you..."

For a moment, Eragon felt paralysed, shocked by the sudden loss of self control in the normally emotionless elf, and fighting all the harder to stop himself from trying to comfort her like he so desperately wanted to.

The rider put on a fake scowl as he turned to her, his limbs failing once again to push away. "Yeah, don't worry, your _hero _isn't dead yet."

Her grip only tightened as she dug her head into his neck, and Eragon felt warm dampness and silky hair against his skin. "Th-that wasn't why I was afraid." She whispered, her throat clenched as the rider lay still unmoving. "I thought that I w-would lose _you."_

"You can't die... I won't let you… …Not if it isn't by my side. Not without telling you what I always _wanted_ to tell you."

Eragon growled. "You did. You did when you told me we were friends and would never be anything more. You did when you broke my heart in two." As if in tandem, he felt his heart clench painfully, the ache returning once more. "You did, when you brought me back to suffer again!"

Arya's grip somehow tightened as she reached around to look him in the eyes. And as much as he tried, he could not make himself look away from her teary-eyed stare.

_"Eragon..." _The elf whispered, and then suddenly, she leaned forward. "For a moment, he thought he felt a feather touch his lips, then he realised what it truly was and, as if somehow knowing, the she-elf took this as a moment to deepen the kiss.

_...I lied._


	3. Chapter 2b: Saphira's choice

...Eragon hadn't expected to be breathing again. After what he had done, how could he?

And yet, he was. Magic dabbed at his skin, and he could ...feel... himself returning.

Returning to consciousness.

Returning to the world.

Returning to _life._

And even as he coughed and spluttered, cringing in agony in the moments before he opened his eyes, he was already thinking of how to go back.

Back to oblivion. Back to where his heart and soul didn't feel like they'd been cut open, torn asunder by his sadness, his pain, his want for what would never be.

But yet, he blinked once more. Opened his eyes and kept them there, some part of him willing his soul back to the world no matter how hard he had fought to ensure its leave.

Life, once again, filled him. And no matter how much he hated the feeling, he did not rebuke it. Only stared into the haze of light that hung over him.

And as it cleared, a pair of wide blue eyes stared back.

Eragon shuddered and turned to the side. And so, he didn't ever know she was crying, until her tears touch down on his skin.

_...Y-you... you're alive..._

The rider felt his hand wander to his face, feeling the warmth amongst the dampness as more tears hit him. He cringed, and clenched his palms, scraping the heat from his skin.

_I... I'm sorry. I should have-_

His brown eyes darted to meet her blue ones. **"It wasn't your fault!"**

The she-dragon flinched under his gaze, but her eyes only continued to spill tears.

"It was** me** who couldn't stop hurting! It was **me** who couldn't stop wanting what I couldn't have! It was _me_...-" Eragon chocked, drawing on breath through the sudden tightness in his throat. "-_It was me_... who tried to take my pain away, however I could!"

Saphira's expression seemed to mirror his pain, and the rider was forced to look away from her teary eyes.

"I-It... was me..." Eragon's voice lowered to a whisper as he slowly looked back at his dragoness. _"It was me... who couldn't stop loving you."_

He felt tears in his own eyes this time, but his hands found his eyes, and he turned away. He knew, he shouldn't have told her. Now she would share the pain he had wanted so badly to keep from her. Like now, he wanted more than ever to be able to reach out, and wipe her tears away. But how could he? How could he...

Not when caring would make it worse.

Slowly, he felt her presence reappear within his head.

_...Why didn't you tell me?..._

"That knowledge wasn't yours to suffer."

_Suffer, Eragon? I suffered when you reduced our link to a thread. I suffered when you stabbed yourself. I suffer now, knowing you've been hurting for so long, and I never helped you._

"Exactly my point! I didn't want-"

**_ERAGON!_**_ Listen! And stop staring at the floor and look at me! _

The rider flinched, and rapidly turned around.

...Just in time to meet her as she wrapped him in a tight embrace, her sapphiric eyes boring into his own.

_You've wasted enough time already..._

And with a single, humanlike motion, she leaned in and kissed him.


End file.
